who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
