he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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