It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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