I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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