so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
