Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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