Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
