I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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