Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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