That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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