My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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