hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
how can u be prego again
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
