Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
