Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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