the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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