wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
