So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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