Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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