we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
