Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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