okay pat passed out under dana's car
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
