Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
