It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
