it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
