can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
