He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
