Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
