and you said cock pushups were impossible
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
