Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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