so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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