She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
