god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
