im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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