I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
