why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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