If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
