There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
