If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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