I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
