Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
