he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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