I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
