I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this just has baby written all over it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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