drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
