I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
