Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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