Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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