you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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