Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
