i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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