I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Randomize
