Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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