I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
