I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just gargled with NyQuil
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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