I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
