I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
