...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
