I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
