Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
