I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
