I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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