Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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