Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's blow job season.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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