my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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