Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
