You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
